One of the most overriding themes in my two-year Teach For America experience is the essential nature of failure.
Growing up, I always thought failing was the worst possible thing that could happen. With failure comes shame, feelings of inadequacy, and a nuclear bomb to self-confidence. When I had the ball stolen from me in a basketball game, when I made a conversation with a cute girl extremely awkward, when I would hurt those I thought were closest too me, I felt like I was worthless.
This mindset instilled in me a tendency to take a cautious route rather than a risky route. While this decision enabled me to succeed on a moderate level, it prevented me from taking enough risks to achieve things that wouldn’t be possible with only caution.
When I was a senior in college, I was part of a senior project that was receiving a failing grade midway through the semester. I had never failed a class before, and here I was staring down the possibility of failing my senior capstone project. I was almost paralyzed by my fear of failing.
I distinctly remember talking to my dad on a Sunday afternoon about the project and the extreme amount of stress it was causing me. He shocked me when he said, “If you fail, it’s ok.” Everything in my body reeled at this statement. Failing was not OK! I had high standards! He had high standards for me! However, the longer I thought about it, the more I realized how empowering those words were. “If you fail, it’s ok.” If I truly worked at something and put my best effort in, it was ok to fail. With that empowerment, I was able to approach the project with a new sense of confidence, and eventually the idea that I could fail pushed me to succeed.
I’m teaching The Old Man and The Sea currently, and the story centers on a poor old man who catches the fish of his life, only to have it destroyed by sharks before he could bring it home. Despite not having anything to show for his hard work, the old man falls asleep with a sense of peace in the last page of the book.
This presents a poignant message to both my students and I. Happiness doesn’t stem from success. Instead, we can find solace in the fact that we tried our best, even if we did not succeed.
My students are terrified of failing. They are so terrified of doing something wrong, or being confused, or looking stupid, that they usually decide to forego doing any work at all. That way, they can avoid the pain that comes from being told that they didn’t get it, or the work is inadequate. One of the biggest missions in my classroom is to foster an embrace of failure, not from laziness, but from hard work and risk. When failure becomes an option, then students can take risks, learn from their mistakes, and actually learn. When failure is not an option, as every cliched movie general and coach has said, students leer away from challenges and the risk of failure.
While I try to instill this mindset into my students, I need to keep developing it in myself. One of the most beatiful parts of Old Man and The Sea is after the protagonist arrives on shore, with nothing but a carcass of the beautiful fish he caught to show for his work, he immediately begins planning for the next day, using his knowledge of his last failed adventure.
I fail a lot as a teacher. I don’t design lessons right, I have typos on quizzes, and I break promises to my students. One of the most crushing ways I fail is in relationships with my students. I don’t always have the maturity or patience I need with my students, and sometimes, when I am frustrated or disenchanted, I say things that cause a lot more harm than the intended effect of motivating my students to do better. This eats at me, and I can let it consume me when i have a failed interaction with my kids.
Like The Old Man, the most important thing I can do after failing is go back into the sea and try again; my failure giving me another modicum of wisdom for the next time.
I hope you figure out a way to embrace failure today.
